How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
