We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
