my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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