I could make wine with my vomit
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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