Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
