so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
