Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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