Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
