Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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