Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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