Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
