one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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