and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
