11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
