You're completely useless in the revolution.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
