I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
