So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
