Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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