I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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