What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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