Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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