1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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