Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
