so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
