Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
