Please, let me fuck your mom
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
