I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
