Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
