You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
