3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
