I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
