I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
