apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
