dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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