i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
