Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
