Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
