That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
