You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
