I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
