I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Be still, my beating vagina.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
