Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
