I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
