You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
