All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
