I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am midnight drunk by noon
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
