yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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