no, he came in my armpit
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
