My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
