I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
