I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
