Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
