Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im holly from the hills drunk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
