I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
