This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Come on in and take your pants off
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