I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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