I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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