I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
