I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
