if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
