Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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