They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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