I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How does one acquire holy water?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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