What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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