I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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