We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
