Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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