yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
