i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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