i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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