so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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