just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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