So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
