Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
