At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
