I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
