You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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