I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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