I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
