Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
