Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize