I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i already hear my dad disowning me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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