whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
two words: eviction party
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize