Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can't put those talents on a resume
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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