Please, let me fuck your mom
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
