I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you made out with another girl for some wings
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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