THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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