YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
