I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
