I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
