I will die if light touches me.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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