think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
