i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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