So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
