I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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