It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
from now on my penis is your penis
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
