I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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