I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
