She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
