took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
