College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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