oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
