Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
