Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize