I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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