Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
